Human beings are mammals. We have warm blood coursing through our veins, long, curving spines, and hair sprouting from our bodies. As mammals, we are subject to a universe full of stimulation, influence, and input. As women, perhaps even more so.
We lose our minds when the moon is full (ever wonder where the word *lunatic* came from?), and bleed with the tides. We hibernate in the winter and sniff out adventure in the spring. We harvest in the fall and slump in the heaviness of summer heat. In tribes (like families, sororities, and close work environments), women’s menstrual cycles respond to each other. Some synchronize with startling accuracy, others swing apart, perching at opposite ends of the lunar cycle like suspicious birds, eyeing each other. Menstrual cycles come into relationship with one another, often without the women even knowing. There are countless theories as to why this happens, but at this point all that is clear is that it happens.
When women go into heat (yes, women, not just cats), there are tell-tale signs. Her pupils might dilate. She might become bitchy. She may crave rich, gooey foods (chocolate, anyone?). Women in heat are like balloons filled to capacity- graze her with your fingertips and she might scream- or explode. A woman like this is tumescent. This one word alone may be the most valuable take-away I’ve received from this sensuality training.
1) swelling; slightly tumid.
2) exhibiting or affected with many ideas and emotions; teeming.
Have you ever seen your woman like this? Have you ever been like this? I have. I AM!
A woman in heat is a dangerous creature. A dangerous, desirable creature. Say the wrong thing and she’ll bite your head off. Touch her lightly, and she’ll scream. Keep your mouth shut and play it safe and she’ll furiously accuse you of ignoring her. What’s a guy to do?
I am a woman, and I have lived through nearly two decades of monthly and annual heat cycles. I get them. And still, I am learning so much from this course. A woman in heat needs to be touched, but with firm, strong pressure. No teasing fingertips, thank you. A woman in heat needs your steady, non-judgmental attention. This is not the time for dumb jokes or harmless teasing (teasing doesn’t feel harmless to a woman who is ready to burst).
A woman in heat is tumescent, and she needs to be de-tumesced. You can do this in a number of ways.
Invite her to take a walk. Give her a deep, steady massage. Invite her to bed, and make her orgasm the priority. A tumescent woman needs to be brought to orgasm every four hours to blow off all that steam. Sound daunting? I know. So if you can’t DO her every four hours, at least check in with her. Ask her how she’s doing. Listen. Don’t try to fix it. Just listen, and hold her in your loving, present attention. This is also a de-tumescing technique.
Something my instructor Sheri said made me laugh and cry at the same time. When a woman is tumescent, she will find a way to de-tumesce, she said. Having sex is an enjoyable way to de-tumesce, but if that isn’t available, she might pick a fight. Fight or fuck, she said. That’s often the choice.
SO TRUE. When I am super full of that seasonal (spring fever!), monthly (PMS), situational (all my girls are about to menstruate together), or volitional (flirt with a hot man, get turned on) energy, I first want to have sex, and if that’s not available, then I pick a fight. Fuck or fight. Take your pick. That energy is so alive in my body, it wants release. And it will find release, one way or another. As a man in relationship with a woman, you can begin to recognize this tumescent state and make wise(r) decisions. Is this the time to tease her? Probably not. Might it serve you (both) better to lay her down, take off her clothes, and bring her to orgasm with your deliberate touch? Yes.
I love this course because it’s helpful. I can lay it over my life experience, and epiphanies pop. No wonder I become such a force of nature in the spring- my life energy is rising alongside all of the natural world.
As tulips blossom, my desires unfurl and reach out psychically. As my body fills with energy, it seeks release, via the most immediate channel possible – a helpful pair of hands is preferred, but a cold, cutting comment is just as satisfying if I can’t get laid. When my boyfriend disappears in the face of my PMS, I rage inwardly until he returns. But if he can stay present with my moods, and equanimous in the face of my ups and downs, that fierce energy in my body pauses, softens, and melts. This is biology. We are mammals, and we respond to hormones, seasons, and desires. When we can stay present with our moods and cycles, we can celebrate them. I celebrate this sensuality training because it shows me that I am natural, normal, and healthy. I am a human woman. And as I come to understand this mind-body-spirit triumvirate that I am, its wild beauty is magnificent. A huge thank you to the Welcomed Consensus for enhancing this life journey of mine 🙂
This blog post gives Sarah’s perspective as a student and sensual researcher while taking the Common Sensuality Essentials online class from The Welcomed Consensus.
Sarah Trudeau is a passionate writer and yoga instructor with a goal to create more in her life –“I am very enthusiastic about exploring, expanding, and awakening our sexual and sensual power as human beings, and the work I see the Welcomed Consensus DOing seems to fit right in with the path I’m on.”