Today you will hear Part 2 of our excerpts from an interview with David and Becca, who have enjoyed Deliberate Orgasm as part of their sex life for over 10 years. This interview was conducted in a question answer format. They did not know the questions in advance. They only knew that the topic would be about Deliberate Orgasm, and documented as part of the ongoing sensual research of the Welcomed Consensus.
Terry: Welcome to the Female Orgasm Podcast where we explore the potential of female orgasm more pleasure and a better sex life for both men and women.
This is Terry Goffinet and I am your host. Today you will hear excerpts from an interview with David and Becca, who have enjoyed Deliberate Orgasm as part of their sex life for over 10 years. This interview was conducted in a question answer format. They did not know the questions in advance. They only knew that the topic would be about Deliberate Orgasm, and documented as part of the ongoing sensual research of the Welcomed Consensus.
They agreed to allow parts of the interview to be published in this podcast in the interest of informing people who are new to these ideas. They will be discussing how aspects of Deliberate Orgasm have affected their lives from the first time they heard about it until now.
Today you will part 2 of the interview with Becca and David.
Terry: Do you think most women are honest about how much sex they really want?
Becca: No, I don’t think most women are honest about how much sex they want. I used to talk to my friends a lot about sex, and I found that I was interested in it and I was interested in talking about it, and I would find out from them all kinds of things about their sex lives and what they wanted. And often times they would tell me things they hadn’t even told their husband or their partner, or their other friends, or I would find I would talk to people who were not even necessarily my close friends, and because I knew I was interested in this topic, I wanted to know things – they felt that way too, but they just wouldn’t necessarily come right out and say to any ol’ person, even to the people who were closest to them.
I’ve noticed with myself that I thought I was a pretty honest person before- I would have always said that about myself – I would tell you about things that I want, and as I’ve done this with a friend of mine that the things that I’ve been willing to tell him I’ve been willing to tell him things that I haven’t been willing to tell anyone else before, and that’s because of the relationship that we’ve built, and the friendship that we’ve built, and that we’ve built through DOing and through pleasure, and the fact that I know he wants to pleasure me, he wants that, and if I tell him something about myself, it will make it better between us, it will make the pleasure more between us, and I’ve had that experience now that I know that and sometimes it’s things that I didn’t feel very good about, some weird, weird things that I would tell him about. But he doesn’t feel the same way about it that I do, he doesn’t have the same kind of judgments about it that I do. Sometimes I’ll tell him something like that and he’s like, okay, and it’s like oh my god, this thing I’ve been carrying around thinking was so weird about myself, and it’s not a big deal to him. Then he knows me better, and I can actually know myself better, and know okay, is this really something I want or not, or is it just something that I thought was so weird, that – it was huge until we talked about it.
Terry: Do you communicate during DO Dates, and what do you communicate about?
Becca: Yes, we communicate during DO dates. Mainly about what we’re feeling and experiencing together, and it can be sometimes we’ll notice that we’re experiencing something the same, like I’ll say “Wow, that feels like there is waves,” and he’ll say “you know, I felt something like that too.” Or he’ll say it feels like a jelly fish, and I’ll say I know exactly what you’re talking about. And sometimes it’s one of those things, where he’ll say I know it sounds strange to say a jellyfish, and I’ll say I know what you mean because it feels like it’s glomming on, there’s waves, and it’s fun to you know come up with the words for the new experiences that we’re having. So mainly that’s what we talk about, though there are times when I’ll have a random thought that comes by, okay, I just have to tell you I left the turkey in the oven and I started to worry about that – and he’ll say okay, now I know what that was, or he’ll ask me like you know, it feels like you’re thinking about something, and so I can tell him, or he’ll say what he notices and I’ll say what I notice too, with both of our attention on the one person’s body.
David: She said a lot there, and it really is, comes down to what I notice, and what I’m going to be willing to say. There are times when there are just so many changes going on and so many sensations coming up, you know, this stroke, I feel these waves coming up my arms. And when I say that, she gives me reality about it. She’s in agreement with that, and it’s like okay good, I can feel that, it gives me reality. And it also gives us the next place to step off from, you know the next date. Then there are times when I notice she may have a random thought like she said and go away – and I’ll say did you go away, and she’ll say yes and come back. It just comes down to individual strokes and what we’re feeling in the present moment. And stay really present with her – it’s really fun, yeah, absolutely.
Terry: What does it mean to you to focus your attention on her body?
David: Well that’s one of the definitions of a DO date, Deliberate Orgasm. So we both get to put our attention on the most sensitive part of her body, which is her clitoris, and when stroking we both have our attention on that, we feel so much. I get to experience her orgasm in my body, I get to experience her gratification in my body, I get to experience her being a woman, gratified and happy. So that’s what I get out of it, is a happy gratified woman, that is great to be around, and so much fun to be around. You just keep looking forward to the next date, and the next date, and having communication and talking about that – like that.
Terry: What do you feel when he puts his attention on your body?
Becca: I feel his approval of me, I feel that it’s easy to feel what I have to feel. I know he’s with me; his intention is whatever my intention is, so I can feel my reflection in him, when his attention is on me.
Terry: How do you feel her orgasm?
David: I feel her orgasm by putting my attention on her. It just comes down to that, you know how much I’m willing to put my attention on her, and how much we’re willing to be communicating. So if we’re doing that during the date, there’s just going to be more, more sensations. There have been points where I’ve had this sense of losing myself in her orgasm – like I’m not there, that my finger and her clit are joined, it’s the same thing. And it’s just this very present moment, this moment and the stroke, and then we can talk about that afterwards, so, there’s just so much variety I can continue to talk about this, there’s a lot to notice.
Terry: How do you know what kind of strokes to give her?
David: Well, I’ve taken courses, and being able to learn the basics of lighter, heavier, faster, slower – where to put my finger directly on her spot, on her clit, how to hold my lower hand, where to place that. But from there, after having the basics, it begins to become like noticing, and I’ll just know, I won’t think about it, I’ll just know what there is to do next, because I can feel the direction that she’s going, and we both want the same thing: She wants to feel more, so do I, so I get on that and I go in that direction with her.
Terry: How do you feel as the first touch of his finger lands on your clitoris?
Becca: How I feel when his finger comes down on my clitoris – it feels different every time. But usually there’s a sense of grounding, you know right away. I can feel right away the kind of sensations that are there, like recently he put his finger down I felt really sensitized, you know and I felt sensitized in my clit, everything he was doing it was like just the slowest movement, there was tingles spreading and it was so fun to savor every little thing. Sometimes I just want some pressure right at first, and feel the coming down feeling, and usually that’s the feeling right when he puts his finger down, like ahh, the connection and just knowing I can give up my, give it up to him and feel what I feel, and let him take over my body, take over those feelings in my body and do something with it that’s more pleasurable than even something I could do to myself.
Terry: How does approving change what you’re experiencing?
Becca: Boy, it changes everything. Approving of what I’m experiencing changes the whole thing. I mean if you started from a place where it wasn’t right, and nothing was right, then that’s what you would get, it would just be like blah. But if I start from a place where I’m approving, I’m approving of myself, I’m approving of him, I’m approving of what’s happening, I’m approving of the sensations in my body, then there’s all kind of fun things that can happen. And unexpected things – like sometimes he’ll do something, and I’m in that place where whatever he does is right and feels good and I approve of it, it’s so fun, because wow – there’s something really great here that I never knew… and I’ve had that experience a lot of times before where there were things that I had rules about – I didn’t like him touching me this way, or I didn’t like somebody touching this part of me, and through coming from it from a place of approval, I’ve experienced like “wow, this is something I didn’t think I liked but I really like it.”
Terry: What would you tell someone who is interested in DOing?
David: In DOing, I get an opportunity to really feel her and to experience another woman, to experience a person, and I get an opportunity to appreciate and love her and its gratifying and fulfilling for myself
Becca: What I would tell someone who’s interested in DOing, is I noticed a lot of people feel a lot of mystery about sex, a lot of questions about what does my partner want. It’s a way that you can be sure about what that person wants, and you can be sure that you’re giving that person the orgasm that they want. And you can just start from there, you don’t have to have any other question after that point, you can just start with DOing, you can for sure have that person have a great orgasm. And then you can do other things.
Terry: You have been listening to the Female Orgasm Podcast. Tune in again soon for fresh new topics that will bring more pleasure and orgasm into your life. To find out about our instructional videos on Deliberate Orgasm you can visit the Welcomed Consensus video page at http://www.welcomed.com/videos.