When looking for information to get help for menopause I found it difficult to sort out what could give me relief from concerns that I feared would be with me for a very long time. I wanted the kind of help with menopause that would allow me to gain happiness for the long term. Where could I turn for help? Looking into it I encountered some light-hearted jokes about menopause and lots of medical stuff. Laughter is good, but I knew I needed more than that. Below I tell my story of getting help for menopause particularly how I got relief and gained happiness. Perhaps others will get insight into what may be happening in their own lives and find a way to happiness.
My personal menopause story, I was nature’s victim
I went through an uncommunicative, dark period in the middle of winter contemplating what path to take with this ominous situation called menopause. I experienced waves of negative emotions which seemed out of my control. I said I was not myself. I wanted to blame menopause for times I was not friendly, for getting fat, for not having sex, for being dramatic, for being a loser, for not having fun. I wanted sympathy for this misfortune that nature was causing.
I actually weighed the consequences of using menopause as my excuse for many things. Menopause would be around the rest of my life, which could be handy. It could provide a ready-made excuse for unhappiness. I noticed that women get excused for a lot of socially inappropriate behavior just because they are going through menopause, as this is considered a time women are expected to be moody. Plus, society no longer puts on the constant pressure to maintain a sexy youthful fit appearance. Society tells women that menopause means more around the middle so I would no longer have to try to be sexually desirable.
During this dark time anything other than going with the downhill slide of menopause looked like it required too much effort, too much energy which I didn’t seem to have any more. I told myself I could let it all go if I wanted to, just become a victim of nature, give in to it. Choosing to go down that road I was getting more and more unhappy.
The way I was handling these physical and mental changes was not getting me the kind of life that I wanted. I woke up to that fact. I forced myself out of that victim’s mindset. I took stock and said to myself ‘This is your life, how are you going to get happy from here?’ Out of the morass of negativity and, fuzzy-headiness I came up with a clear winning direction.
The alternative way I got help for menopause
I did know a better way. It took me a bit of time to realize the alternative way I could get help for menopause. I live in a group where we know how choices determine the quality of life and we have it that fun is an honorable goal. Furthermore, I had my friend Wendy, who is also a part of the group, as an example of a happy woman in menopause. She had a few bumps along the way, but with our friends noticing her during the transition, she found clarity and what worked for her to be happy. One of the basic tenants of our life together as a family is to have the most fun we can together whatever life tosses our way. The answer was right there in front of me. All I had to do was take it.
I decided to go towards fun. This may seem trivial, but the power of making that decision and following through with it was the way that I gained happiness once again. Fun is the enjoyment of pleasure, which includes a wide range of experiences lasting a few moments to hours, like listening to a favorite musical piece or splitting a piece of gum with a friend. You know it when it is happening and what it feels like to be having fun. It took high intention to keep choosing fun. It was like working a muscle at first, resisting the draw to backslide. I experienced a turnaround, the help for menopause began to materialize and I noticed I had more energy. Relief was immediate with my attention on cultivating and seeking out fun.
Confronting what was happening in present time and distinguishing that from how I felt about it was the next step. I began calling a hot flash a hot flash. The emotions I had about it didn’t change that it was happening. I decided that, yes, I was going through the first stages of menopause. No more doubt, denial or worrying on that front. I noticed the different changes I was feeling and experiencing. I decided some things may be part of menopause, others simply part of growing older as a human being.
I no longer felt like a victim of nature. I was making choices that directly and positively impacted my happiness. I was paying attention to my body in a new way, without the dread and fear. I was coming up, out of the dark and life was back in my hands. Going for the fun continues to be an invaluable tool that I use to guide my actions every day while going through the tremendous changes that accompany menopause.