Today you’ll hear excerpts from an interview with Becca and David –who have enjoyed Deliberate Orgasm as part of their sex life for over 10 years. This interview was conducted in a question and answer format, they did not know the questions in advance. They only knew that the topic would be about Deliberate Orgasm, and documented as part of the ongoing sensual research of the Welcomed Consensus.
Female Orgasm Podcast
Episode 5 Transcript
Deliberate Orgasm:Creating Pleasurable Relationships
Terry: Welcome to the Female Orgasm Podcast where we explore the potential of female orgasm, more pleasure and a better sex life for both men and women. This is Terry Goffinet and I am your host.
Today you’ll hear excerpts from an interview with David and Becca, who have enjoyed Deliberate Orgasm as part of their sex life for over 10 years. This interview was conducted in a question and answer format. They did not know the questions in advance they only knew that the topic would be about Deliberate Orgasm and documented as part of the ongoing sensual research of Welcomed Consensus.
They agreed to allow parts of the interview to be published in this podcast in the interest of informing people who are new to these ideas. They will be describing how Deliberate Orgasm has affected their lives, from the first time they heard about it until now.
Today you will hear Part 1 of 2
Terry: How did you first feel about deliberate sexing, having a Deliberate Orgasm?
David: When I thought about Deliberate I thought “well I do that”, and then I began to realize “not really”. It really is about putting both of our attention on her body, and being able to say what I notice, going on that ride like that. It’s just been really fun, different context now.
Becca: I liked the idea of Deliberate Orgasm. The thing that I had been doing before in my life, I had been exploring putting my attention on something and keeping my attention there, but it was never anything as pleasurable as a man’s finger on my clit, so it was like, “yeah, I can go with this”. You know, everything attracted me to DOing – when I first heard about it, it was like, “yeah, what could – what wouldn’t you like about something like that – what wouldn’t any woman like about something like that.” So, I remember hearing about it from this friend of mine, she was experiencing it, and she was telling me the kind of experiences she would have, and I could feel it when she was talking to me, how enthusiastic she was, and how much fun she was having, and I was like – I want some of that, I want some of that feeling, I want that.
And we had talked a lot about our personal lives, so it felt like I could feel the change in her from before she had experienced DOing, and then I was there when she was first experiencing it, and I could feel the difference in her and what she was getting out of it, and feeling this filled-up feeling. I was like, okay, when am I going to have this, let me pick out this person that I want to have this kind of experience with, and I liked it right off, very first time, I loved it.
Terry: Were there any challenges incorporating DOing into your sex life?
David: Sure, I mean whenever I have taken on something big like that, you know sometimes your ego gets involved, and, but you just set that aside and actually have your attention on her, then you’re just doing the right thing. So occasionally things come up, but we’re friends, and we can talk about those things. She does that with me and I do that with her. I get an opportunity to know her, and we become closer through that, and the dates become better, so it’s always good.
Becca: The challenges incorporating DOing into my sex life were at first, I wanted to find a person I wanted to have those kinds of experiences with. That actually was not that hard – I was a single woman at the time, and I was you know checking out different people, but then there was some point when I was like “You know I really like this, and I want this to be part of my life every day”. So then I had to really think about how I wanted to have my life set up, that I would have those kind of experiences that I wanted with the regularity that I wanted them. You know it wasn’t too long before I figured out how to do that, and have that, and then it’s just grown from there. I wouldn’t say challenging but I would say at this point, there is always growth that happens with it, and there are always things that are changing, and my desire is always changing. So it teaches me something about myself and my relationship with him and my, the people in my life that have this as part of their lives – it’s always a constant source of conversation and growth for us.
Terry: How has your sex life changed since adding on DOing?
David: How has my sex life changed since adding on DOing – that’s a big question. I think that it’s changed me as a man, it’s changed me in the way that I can notice. It’s changed me in being able to be a friend to a woman. It’s changed me in my ability to feel and recognize that the truth is in my body when I’m feeling her orgasm in my body. There’s just so many things that go on, it’s not like a head thing – it becomes integrated, so it’s like that, and it’s going to continue to expand, there’s no limit to it, it will always expand if I’m willing to go in that direction.
Becca: My sex life has changed a lot in that I feel gratified. I feel gratified as just a base level of where I start from with anything. I used to feel more like I didn’t have enough of anything, and I would always come into any sex act or any relationship where there was a possible sex act like that – like “I do not have enough and how am I going to figure out how to get enough of what I want,” and it was always this huge – like I really in some ways I didn’t even know how to get it – the things that I wanted, because I felt like once I embark with this person, there’s so many things that are unforeseen. And now it’s like, okay I know that if I have a guy, a friend who wants to DO me, and wants to pleasure me that way, and wants to give me everything I want, then from there everything in my body is handled, and everything in my body feels good, and then we can have all kinds of other experiences together from there. But it’s just such a difference because now I’m having all the orgasm that I want, it’s never a problem to have all of the orgasm that I want.
Terry: What has changed for you since having more orgasm?
Becca: I would say for me what has changed from having more orgasm is that I feel as a woman more confident and there’s just – it used to be in my life that it was a constant, just noise in the back of my head, this constant, “I don’t have what I want, I gotta get some,” you know it was just – I thought about sex so much which isn’t necessarily that different but I mean the way that I thought about sex I just felt on edge a lot of the times. It colored all of my relationships because I was constantly looking at people wondering could I get what I wanted out of this person, or that person, and now it’s just that part feels smooth in my life, it feels like I said that it feels handled. I have all the orgasm that I want, and now I can feel free to have all kinds of other experiences with people from a place of being filled.
Terry: Do you think it was possible to feel as much as you do?
David: No. But I’ve come to realize that her clitoris, being the most sensitive part of her body – 8,000 nerve endings, and my finger tip, the most dexterous portion of my body, getting together, that’s a new experience. Communicating during those times when we’re making that sort of contact continues to elevate what I’m feeling and have the ability to notice with her. I can feel her sink in to the bed when I’m DOing her, I can feel us coming up, drifting up in DOing her, those sort of things I never would have conceived of prior to learning what I learned about DOing. It does, it just keeps on getting better, there’s just not an end to it.
Becca: I did not think it was possible, I actually remember a long time ago, not to long after I experienced DOing, I remember saying, wow, I just experienced for a longer period of time the intense kind of pleasure that I would feel before I experienced DOing that would last for like a second, or a couple of seconds – I started experiencing that for longer and longer periods of time. And then that was like, that blew my mind, that was like at the very beginning of when I was experiencing DOing. Since then it’s expanded so much, thousands of times, what I’ve experienced, in not just the length and the duration in that kind of intense pleasurable feeling but the kinds of feelings I have are different, and it’s always changing and growing in the amount that I can and I am willing to feel has grown a lot too, so I had no, I had no concept really even of what I could feel before I had this very small concept, and even that has expanded, like okay, now I know there’s even more out there I haven’t even conceptualized of yet that I could possibly feel.
Terry: What do you want men to know about DOing?
David: What I want men to know about DOing is they get to experience things that they had not yet experienced. You get an opportunity to have a gratified happy woman, who out of that wants more, and wants to experience more and express more with you. That’s gratifying for me, to know the mystery has ended with her orgasm, and her body and who she is and what she thinks and what she wants. We get to communicate during these times and be friends – I’ve always wanted that, to be friends with women, and I can feel that now.
Terry: What do you want women to know about DOing?
Becca: What I want women to know about DOing is that I can just say for myself there was this great sense of hope about my sex life once I found out about DOing and had the experience of being DOne. That somebody would be able to touch my body and know my body that well, better than even I know it, which I didn’t think was possible before. I had the experience so many times where I always would wonder when I was with somebody new, how were they going to touch my body, was it going to really, I did not know what was going to really happen, whether I was going to be able to communicate what I wanted and whether they were going to be able to do exactly what I wanted. It’s this way, through this communication and our friendship that’s happened for so long, that he’s actually gotten to know my body even better in that a lot of that communication happens on a feeling level – like he can feel what I’m feeling. It’s so quick now, in that our sex life gets better and better. And that was the part, the hope that I felt, was that oh my gosh, I can actually have a sex life with one person that gets better, and it doesn’t have to be based on some thrill of something new that has it be fun. I mean, boy, before I had experienced DOing I tried everything – I mean I was always looking for some new thrilling thing to add to my sex life. And the thrill would always wear off after awhile. And with this, it doesn’t, because he always gets better at DOing me, and I always get better at getting DOne, and we are always experiencing new feelings, and having more. So I would say there’s hope – you can have a sex life that gets better and better all the time, it is true, it can happen.
Terry: Do you have 3 minute orgasm?
Becca: Do I have 3 minute orgasm – yes I do.
Terry: What are the benefits of a 3 minute orgasm?
Becca: It’s the same as an orgasm for any length of time, it feels like the energy in my body it feels like it smooths out, it’s fun, it feels good. I take that good feeling and I put it into other things. I’ve had the experience many times where I had a three minute orgasm and I cam upstairs and my whole world looked different. Before it looked like “Oh my god I’m overwhelmed with all these things and people and their complaining” – and then it’s like “Oh, I love you, oh, this is okay, this is easily handled, no big deal” – so everything it just feels good, you know and when you feel good, things look better in your life.
David: One of the benefits of a three minute orgasm is that there is a concentrated time in which she and I both have our attention on the most pleasurable sensations in her body, and what I get an opportunity to produce for her. I get to win, I get to win with her for 3 minutes. That has an effect on me throughout the day. If I had a 3 minute orgasm with her and she enjoyed it so much in the morning, that’s going to carry on, it’s going to carry on for hours afterward, I’ll be thinking about that during the day. I could look forward to coming back and doing that again. So it has a lingering effect, that I get to have again, I get to have a happy, beautiful friend, that is on my side from doing that.