In this episode Internationally recognized Tantra Expert and radio talk show host, Devi Ward, describes her recent experience of a whole body and mind expansion. It includes tantra, orgasm and possibilities. This expansion showed her ways of approaching sexuality and her body that she hadn’t conceived of before that she believes anyone can learn.
“From my lineage of instruction, every orgasm is a glimpse of enlightenment. That’s one of the yogic things we learn in Tibetan Tantra. So I am having this experience of this woman being in the throws of enlightened consciousness and that is affecting and impacting the entire room. That is so powerful.”
What were your goals for taking the Common Sensuality Retreat?
Devi: My goals for taking the Common Sensuality Retreat – I had a few of them. My number one goal was to accurately learn the technique of Deliberate Orgasm from the people who created it. The other goals were to expand my experience of sensuality. And Learn from people who are masters in that realm. Ultimately, my goal was to learn more about sensuality and learn more about being fully, sexually and sensually embodied.
What had you decide to take the Sensuality Retreat?
Devi: Speaking with Francoise and Sheri on my radio show interviewing them. They were such approachable, bright and delightful women. I could feel the energy of their practice coming through as I was interviewing them. It was exciting. It was an exciting thought, exciting opportunity to come and learn more. To expand and constantly learn more. It’s important for me to learn from people who are in integrity with their practice – and have many, many years of practice – because they have a level of expertise that I enjoy learning from.
What was your experience of the sensuality Retreat?
Devi: My goals were absolutely met! I would say a word to describe it was intense – on a variety of levels. Not physically intense but mentally intense. Integrating different concepts into my current worldview. I was surprised that there was very little about the actual technique and more about the consciousness surrounding the technique. The etiquette of the technique, and how we approach ourselves as sensual human beings. I found that very rich.
I’m fresh out of the course, just finished today, so I’m assuming that the knowledge will continue to blossom and mature inside of me. I’m looking forward to that. I tend to be a technique slut – I really like techniques, playing with techniques. So I’m looking forward to going home and implementing the techniques I learned and integrating them into my world view. There were quite a few moments of “ah ha’s” and lightbulbs going off. Ways of approaching sexuality and my body that I hadn’t conceived of before. I found that very enriching. I’m looking forward to seeing the results of my continued practice.
What was one of those “ah ha’s” about approaching your body?
Devi: There were a few – One of the ah ha’s that really stands out that I think is one of the most fundamental ones for me in my own personal practice is the concept that pain or pleasure is simply our interpretation of pressure.
In regards to becoming more sensually embodied, the other concept that stood out to me was the fact that, due to lack of use, a lot of our sensory experience is atrophied. We don’t fully inhabit our senses the way we did when we were babies. We close down – we shut down and live these little, tiny lives.
I know for me as a survivor of physical and sexual trauma that is even more pronounced. There are imprints of the trauma in the body. So often, for me, even at this level with all the work and expansion I have done, when I feel into some of my sensory experience, I can feel myself brush up against this imagined idea of trauma or pain.
So the concept, that pain and pleasure is simply our interpretation of pressure has been revolutionary for me, quite frankly. When I feel into my body more fully than I have before and I feel what I used to interpret as pain and feel it as pressure, then it is okay. I can go there. I can relax and feel through it. That is huge. Now there is no limit or block on how fully I can embody and integrate my sexual experience. That’s really exciting. So just that one – or two – concepts.
Was there any point during the retreat that your mind was expanded?
Devi: Oh several points. There were many times of expansion but then the beauty of expansion is that part of it is going non-conceptual…The Deliberate Orgasm demonstration – not necessarily a mind-expansion, more of an expansion of my nervous system. It was a whole body expansion. Beyond the mind expansion – it was a whole being expansion. I feel it in every cell and fiber of my body.
The way I understand and experience it is from the concept of entrainment. Meaning when certain people are at a certain brainwave or something is going on in the nervous system that is really profound they can pull everybody else into that experience. So watching Francoise in this high – not just a tiny little orgasm – but this high state of orgasm for a prolonged period of time – was just epic.
Toward the end I could literally feel her orgasm in my body I thought I was going to come on the chair, quite frankly. I could feel the expansion of her orgasm in my nervous system, I could feel it opening my heart, I could feel tension in my shoulders and my back – tendrils of it releasing and letting go. I felt it in my spine, in my central channel, I felt it in my groin and my vagina and my genitals, I felt it in my belly – heat in my belly filling up.
It was literally as if I was orgasming
It was literally as if I was orgasming. If I had let go into it I could have started coming on the chair. So for me, I have fabulous experiences of my orgasms – high orgasm, prolonged orgasm – all of that. I’ve never experienced another woman’s orgasm like that for a prolonged period of time. Especially a woman that I’m not actually touching. So that is what was so profound – to be however many feet away and feel her body coming and coming and coming.
I think one of the most transformational parts of it is that it wasn’t just 2 minutes – it was for an hour. It was a prolonged experience. From my lineage of instruction, every orgasm is a glimpse of enlightenment. That’s one of the yogic things we learn in Tibetan Tantra. So I am having this experience of this woman being in the throws of enlightened consciousness and that is affecting and impacting the entire room. That is so powerful. It was amazing.
What would you like women to know about the sensuality retreat?
Devi: What I would like women to know about the sensuality retreat is that I believe it is essential for women and men to learn the practices associated with Deliberate Orgasm in order to fully embody their sexual self-expression. Their sensual self-expression. I’m really looking forward to playing with the Deliberate Orgasm technique – all of the sensuality techniques – because there was so much surrounding Deliberate Orgasm. The touch, the connecting of the body and really fully seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting – to embody and use our senses the way God intended them to be used. The way nature intended them to be used. We are functioning at a fraction of our capacity for the most part.
So the information in this weekend – and I’m sure in ensuing weekends – is fundamental. To be human, to be fully human, beyond sensual or sexual, to be fully human. To have our human vehicle the way it was intended to be. We live in this culture that deadens us and shuts us down in so many ways. I loved the idea that there are six senses – five plus conceptual thought.
That is so important – the way we think about, the way we view life, impacts our ability to dive in there, play there and fully experience life. This is where our limitations start. So if we can begin changing our mind we can begin changing our relationship to our senses and our bodies and we can be more fully “in the game.” It’s liberating, absolutely liberating. I consider it to be essential.
What interested you about Deliberate Orgasm?
Devi: What interested me about Deliberate Orgasm was learning to play with my clitoris and my clitoral pleasure in an expanded way. In a way that is not taught in our culture, that many people don’t have access to. I have degrees of mastery in other realms of sexuality and I wanted to learn this area because it is an area I haven’t had training in – I wanted to be trained in how to stimulate and cultivate high levels of clitoral pleasure.
When I have a partner to DO it, I’m going to have him trained by people who are masters of it.
How did you hear about it?
Devi: I interviewed Steve Bodansky on my radio show “Better Love and Sex with Devi Ward,” and he sent me his book, Extended Massive Orgasm. I was reading the book and I was turned on shall we say. Word for word it resembled another technique that is spreading across the nation. So I was very curious about Deliberate Orgasm and the practice of Deliberate Orgasm primarily because it’s been going on for so long and nobody frickin’ knew about it. I thought “You guys have been doing this for 25 years, how come nobody knew?”
So that is how I heard about it, through Steve Bodansky and his book Extended Massive Orgasm. Then I got hooked up with Sheri and Francoise on Facebook and the rest is history.
What would you like women to know about Deliberate Orgasm?
Devi: What would I like women to know about Deliberate Orgasm? – the little bit that I know is awesome. DO it! I can’t wait to have somebody DO it to me! It will probably be even better. Supposedly a good DOer can create a better orgasm in a woman’s body than she can create in herself. So I am looking forward to that.
What do you want men to know about Deliberate Orgasm?
Devi: That this is your key to happiness. It’s funny because I was talking with Sheri down at the river and we were chuckling and loving the fact that men’s highest fulfillment in life is pleasing their partners. Pleasing the women in their lives. It is so sweet and so beautiful, and so precious. So many men are totally confused about how to do that sexually because they receive no sex education in this culture. Or, the sex education they do receive is misleading.
So Deliberate Orgasm is the key to guaranteeing consistent sexual pleasure and happiness for your partner. It is an essential key. There are others in my opinion but it is absolutely one of the primary and essential keys to men achieving and guaranteeing sexual happiness with their partner. Which is so important to them – and I love that about men.
What did you learn about the clitoris during the retreat?
Devi: What I learned about the clitoris during the retreat is that it can produce female ejaculate. In my understanding it is only direct stimulation of what we call the “g-spot” that produces female ejaculate. Most of that is squirting. So to see Francoise’s real ejaculate – is the thick, milky prostatic fluid – and I thought you could only achieve that through direct stimulation, on the internal wall, of the g-spot. So I got to learn, and actually witness, stimulation on the top part of the clitoris, the surface of the clitoris, could produce internal female ejaculate.
As a radio talk show host and a teacher of Tantra, how do you find the Deliberate Orgasm technique to complement or integrate into what you already have established?
Devi: How I believe I can integrate the technique of Deliberate Orgasm – to answer that is more than just the physical technique. It’s the ideology. It’s encompassing our full sensory experience. The Tantra, the style of Tantra that I teach is very yogic. I was a monk – it’s like we are sitting there meditating and we are doing this thing – so there is not a lot of instruction about being super-sensual and hanging red drapes, etc. We’ve incorporated that to a degree, but I knew I wanted to learn more because it hasn’t been my focus. My focus has been on this yoga. So that is part of it, part of the understanding on how to more fully inhabit, embrace, experience, delight in my sensory experience.
For many women clitoral pleasure is their only access point to profound orgasm
The actual DOing technique – in all honesty I’ve been playing with it since I read Steve Bodansky’s books – though that was six months ago. So I’ve been playing with it to the best of my ability since then. I wanted more direct experience and more direct training to make sure I was doing it right. To get some more tips – which I did!
So clitoral pleasure is one of the different orgasmic experiences for women. It is absolutely essential for us and for many women it is their only access point to profound orgasm. So of course it would integrate in to my current Tantra practice because it is part of our human experience, it’s part of our sensual experience. Ultimately that is what Tantra is about for me – it’s how we integrate our sexuality in to our humanity.
Is there anything you would like to say about your experience that stands out for you from the weekend?
Devi: Yes. For those people in the world who have not had an opportunity to experience a Deliberate Orgasm demonstration, I highly recommend you do whatever it takes to have that experience at least once in your life because it is transformative. It’s like nothing else you will experience. It’s beyond watching a woman orgasm for 2 minutes or 10 minutes or 15 minutes. To have a woman in the throes of that kind of ecstatic bliss – and if possible get in the room – be in the room when it is happening if you can! But if not, at least watch it on video.
Because it should not be missed. It will transform your own nervous system by visually watching that. We get so much visual imprinting and learning in this culture through pornography and through negative sexual imagery. And uninformed sexual imagery that it is so vitally important to view true pleasure and our human potential – our orgasmic potential as human beings. It is fucking infinite! Until we see it, we don’t know it. You literally do not know what you don’t know. So just the process, the experience of watching what is possible will transform your life.
The experience of watching what is possible will transform your life
For the men out there, watching what is possible for a woman, and then learning how to DO it is going to totally transform your life.
For women, I think it is so important for women to see what is possible because the female human body is designed for that, it is wired for that. But again, until we are aware, until we have a model for it we don’t even know it is possible. So in order to reclaim our orgasmic potential, I really invite everyone who has the opportunity to watch the full demonstration of the Deliberate Orgasm – to get a glimpse.
How do you feel about the concept of training somebody sensually – training a man to DO a woman?
Devi: My feelings about sensual training is that it is a no-brainer. We learn and get trained in every area of our life. When we are babies and we are born we don’t know how to do anything. We have to learn how to tie our shoes. But when we are adults, if we want to know how to do something, we usually take a class. If you want to be masterful in something you take several classes. You learn from people who are modeling that behavior. So the idea or concept of training in sensuality is like, “Duh.” How else are you going to learn how to have sex unless somebody who is having great sex teaches you how to have really great sex? It just makes sense.
If I want to learn to be a gourmet chef I’m going to go to cooking school. If I’m a dancer – as a dancer you can’t learn dance from a book. You have to go, you can learn a little bit from a video, but if you want to learn to be a really great dancer you need an instructor. You need a trainer, a coach – you need to learn with someone, person to person, and get that feedback. In order to create those pathways in your mind and body to learn, tactile and tangibly how to do it.
Integrating tantra, orgasm and liberation
Being a Tantra educator I train people in greater sexual experience and sexual liberation and how to run the energies in their body. So this to me – Deliberate Orgasm – is just another piece of the pie. A crucial one in my opinion.