You can have a THREE HOUR orgasm? In this episode we present an interview from Sexploration with Monika, a sex positive talk show. You will hear Monika talking with Sheri, an instructor from the Welcomed Consensus.
Monika: What is the point of having sex? Is it having an orgasm? Or is it pleasure? Today we are going to talk about orgasm in a whole new way. This is the feminine model of orgasm where the point is the journey, not the climax. Pleasure becomes a practice like a meditation and this expanded awareness of pleasure can create, among some other things, three-hour orgasms. We’ll be talking with Sheri, of the Welcomed Consensus, about Deliberate Orgasm or DOing. It’s a kind of stroking practice that’s about consciousness and the clitoris.
Monika: What happens when you expand the definition of orgasm to include all the ebbs and flows of pleasure? What happens when you make time to focus on the sensations of pleasure every day, like a meditation only with your clitoris? How does this affect your awareness? Your nervous system? Your relationship? How can you have a 3 hour orgasm? So many questions for Sheri. This is one of the educators at the Welcomed Consensus. Welcome to Sexploration with Monika, Sheri.
Sheri: Thank you Monika.
Monika: You have this whole new way of looking at orgasm. Tell me what the feminine orgasm looks like, feels like. How is it different from the traditional orgasm?
Sheri: The female orgasm is, well, first I want to say, it’s about deliberate orgasm. That’s what we teach with the Welcomed Consensus. That’s what we teach about… Deliberate Orgasm and that is also called DOing. That’s two people having their attention on one person’s body to create the optimum amount of pleasure. So in DOing a woman, a man would have his attention on his partner and he would digitally stimulate her clitoris and bring her to orgasm. Through this technique, he can DO her and create a minute orgasm. Or he could DO her for 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 15 and hour and thus, yes, he could create a 3 hour orgasm. That can be quite intimidating so we do recommend …
Monika: You want to do baby steps?
Monika: Maybe not trying the three hour one all at once?
Monika: So instead of looking at orgasm as this kind of like crotch sneeze at the very end of sex you think of orgasm as an unfolding – something that’s pleasurable but happening throughout the entire sexual experience?
Sheri: That’s right. Whenever I’m experiencing an orgasm it comes in many shapes and forms. Sometimes it’s like a meandering walk in the park. Sometimes it’s really intense. I go on these really high peaks and I go really high, high and then it’s slow, bringing me down. It’s really earthy with deep heavy contractions. The potential that exists with the female orgasm is unlimited. It does extend over into a man’s orgasm, but it starts with the woman.
Monika: Yeah, so we’ll talk about DOing a man also a little bit later. First let’s start on what DOing is when you’re DOing a woman. So Doing stands for Deliberate Orgasm. It’s a practice that we’ve talked about before called “stroking”. There are other places that teach it…the full body orgasm, orgasmic meditation, the pleasure expansion technique. There’s a couple of different people that talk about different types of stroking practices. What they are is, they can be a meditation but basically it’s the practice of stroking someone with your finger, usually on their clitoris. Or if you’re stroking a man, you stroke different parts of his penis. But it’s kind of like a practice, almost like meditation. For some people, it is a mediation but it’s a practice of just being aware of the sensations generated when someone is stroking your clit.
Sheri: That’s right. As I was saying, it’s 2 people having their attention on one person’s body. So the man has his full attention on her body. And the woman, she pays attention to her body and feels his finger. Her clitoris has the highest concentration of nerve endings in her body, over 8000 and he’s stroking with his finger, the most dexterous part of his body. So then he can manipulate and control her nervous system and create a superior orgasm in her body.
Monika: So there’s different kinds of strokes that you use. Like he can stroke with his finger up, he can stroke with his finger down and that actually correlates with the kinds of sensations that she feels?
Monika: So as somebody who is experiencing the stroking of Deliberate Orgasm, what are some of the things that you need to focus on to like really get into your body and get into the experience?
Sheri: Well for women, they first need to just relax. Not “need” to relax, but it’s best to relax and get out of their head and put their attention on his finger. If they put their total attention on his finger and feel their clitoris and relax, just take it stroke by stroke, there’s no rush. This is about pleasure, this is about sensuality, this is about feeling your body. There’s no goal. The only goal is pleasurable sensation. Therefore, you’re only going to win.
Monika: And you’re not necessarily trying to climax or you are looking for climax?
Sheri: No, you’re not necessarily, because that again is having a goal attached to it and sex is a lot more fun if there are no goals attached to it.
Monika: Yeah, it’s like a Chinese finger trap, the more you think, “I’m going to do it like this!”, then it becomes another hurdle. Like people get really attached sometimes to ejaculating. Like female ejaculation. Or people can get really attached to, “I’m going to have an orgasm!”. But then when you really start getting stuck on it then it’s even harder.
Sheri: Right. A lot of women have so much pressure of how their orgasm is supposed to look or sound or feel.
Monika: You’re supposed to sound sexy!
Sheri: Right. And every women, we’ve been researching female orgasm for over 25 years, and every woman’s orgasm is unique and …
Monika: And different from time to time.
Sheri: And different from time to time.
Monika: And different from day to day.
Sheri: Sometimes you want heavy pressure. Sometimes you want light pressure and sometimes you want to be quiet. Sometimes you want to be really loud. You get the freedom to just be and feel and discover your own orgasm.
Monika: So how often do you practice this DOing, this Deliberate Orgasm?
Monika: Or anyone. What’s the recommended? Tell me what you do and then tell me what the recommended is.
Sheri: That’s a fun question.
Monika: Ok, good.
Sheri: Well, I get DOne every day.
Monika: DOne…I love it that you say DOne!
Sheri: Absolutely. Everyday and sometimes more than once a day. It could just be for 5 minutes. My partner, my friend…that’s the way he takes care of my body and gratifies my body and then from there life looks a lot different.
Monika: Well, you get a lot of oxytocin, which it’s a nice foundation for having a cheerful outlook.
Sheri: Yes and clarity, not driven by all that energy. That as women, we’re filled with energy in our bodies and it ebbs and flows. What women want…they want their bodies taken care of, they want attention. They want their bodies taken care of and DOing is one of the most beautiful and best ways for a woman to have her body taken care of.
Monika: Now what does DOing really mean? What is the deliberate part of it? What is the orgasm part of it? Let’s deconstruct, what does the word mean?
Sheri: Well deliberate is having intention. So it’s deliberately setting aside time to have this experience together, “Ok, we’re going to have 5 minutes and I’m going to deliberately put my attention on your body and I’m going to DO you. I’m going to have my total attention on your body for 5 minutes and we’re going to create the most amount of pleasure that we can.”
Sheri: And if people were willing to do that they would be amazed how much they could feel. They will redefine orgasm for themselves. The beauty about this, too, with the “deliberate” part is that communication happens. So while the man is DOing the woman, he’s looking at her. He’s looking at her face. He can talk to her. He can notice her pussy, tell her, describe it to her, how it looks, the colors. And, wow…is that fun to get that kind of attention from a man!
Monika: Well, yeah. I imagine that like every day your vulva, your pussy, your labia, they do different things all day during different parts of your cycle. Sometimes they’re coral, sometimes they’re pink, sometimes they are purple. Sometimes they’re puffy, sometimes they’re slushy. You know, the joys of the vagina. And unless you’re really conscious of what’s going on, you wouldn’t even notice.
Monika: We don’t really think about our pleasure very often.
Sheri: The first time I got DOne and a man described the way my pussy looked, it blew my mind. I could see this twinkle in his eye, in how much fun he was having in DOing me. He was winning. I could see, I could feel he was winning because he was producing pleasure in my body and gratifying me. It was undeniable.
Monika: Winning in what way?
Sheri: Men want to produce for women.
Monika: Oh, that they just want to make you happy and give you pleasure?
Monika: And rock your socks off.
Sheri: Right. To be able to do that with confidence and know that I can produce an orgasm in my woman’s body anytime she wants one…that’s winning.
Monika: Now we’ve been talking about it like a man DOing a woman but it sounds like also that sometimes women can DO women and sometimes women can DO men. But we’ll just for the sake of the conversation, when we’re talking about the person that’s DOing, it will be a man and the person that’s being DOne will be a woman. That’s not always the case, but you can do it however you want.
Monika: So just to be fair. So you practice every day. But other people, they can practice whenever they want…once a month, once a week, whatever?
Monika: When you’re coaching couples, do you say that you should practice at least once a…?
Monika: Oh really, once a day?
Sheri: Yes, I mean how fun to get DOne in the morning, before you leave for your day.
Monika: Even if it’s only for 5 minutes?!
Sheri: Yes, exactly.
Monika: Start out your day with a little oxytocin.
Sheri: That’s right. And then coming home, you meet up again.
Monika: Welcome home! Wel-cummed home.
Sheri: It’s a great way to connect.
Monika: Right. In DOing a man, I imagine that you’re touching some very sensitive part of the penis?
Sheri: So the woman is having her total attention on his body and he is keeping his attention on his body. She is stroking his cock. Hands are sex organs. The woman can have some lube, our preferred lubricant is Albolene. It gives a really nice silky texture.
Monika: It doesn’t dry up and get sticky?
Monika: That’s important.
Sheri: To just take her time. Take pleasure from the way her hand feels on his cock and stroke and do what feels good. Take him on a ride.
Monika: Right. It’s interesting. Like what feels good for the person that’s DOing a touch that also, oftentimes, feels good for the person who’s receiving the touch. So if you can make that feel the most rockin’ amazing for your finger, it’s probably going to feel pretty good on your genitals.
Sheri: That’s right.
Monika: And it’s interesting, I think especially for men being DOne. I think it’s much more vulnerable for them to be stroked. Also, they’re not used to thinking about what it feels like when they are being sexually stimulated because they are trying not to think about that. They’re trying not to have an orgasm. They’re trying not to think about how awesome it is.
Sheri: Right, so how fun to think about slowing down. So the women is DOing him, she’s stroking his cock. She can talk to him and say, “Wow, you just had a really deep heavy contraction”, or “your cock just engorged even more”, or “the head of your cock just flared out”. I mean, how fun to get that kind of information.
Monika: MmmHmm, and, “Now it’s deep purple!
Sheri: And, “Now I’m going to take you over.”
Monika: Oh nice.
Sheri: And now, here we go with the “deliberate” part.
Monika: Now here, “I‘m going to take you over”, does that mean “I’m going to take you over into climax”?
Sheri: If she decided she wants to ejaculate him. But that is not, again with Deliberate Orgasm, it’s not the goal. But say that she wants to.
Monika: Say it seemed fun.
Sheri: Right. But oftentimes when DOing, like when I’m DOing my partner, I leave him high, because he likes to feel that aliveness and all that sensation in his body. We could have a date later and just have a continuum.
Monika: That’s something I was thinking about. Like making out in a car when you’re 16 and how much energy and passion there was just making out and making out. You’re making out for hours in there until there was like an inch of fog on the windows. And you were breathing and flushed but you never had sex because of course, you were 16. Whatever, you were waiting. I just loved that amount of sexual energy and attention and we don’t really do that anymore. Now we’re like, maybe a little bit of kissing is foreplay and Bam! Right to the enchilada!
Sheri: Right, and it’s about getting rid of the energy. Now flip that around….building the energy and enjoying and exploiting all this energy we have in our bodies and the most amount of fun that we could have with it.
Monika: Yeah, you could have a lot more fun?!
Monika: OOhhh, I love that idea, that’s really fun! So as you’re doing these practices, what are the things that you learn about how your body works that you did not learn in Sex-Ed. There’s so much, I know.
Sheri: There is.
Monika: We don’t really even talk about pleasure in sex-ed.
Sheri: We don’t.
Monika: I mean we don’t talk about the clitoris in Sex-Ed. It is sick!
Sheri: Right. Well one thing that I learned was the wisdom of the body. Your body never lies to you. So getting DOne more and having more orgasm in my body, I could actually, because I was coming from gratification and not being needy, (like “ahhh, I gotta get some, I gotta get off”), I was gratified. I am a gratified woman. And so I could listen to my body and feel like, “Oh, this is what I’d like to have next”, “Oh, I think I’d like to, maybe I’d feel like fucking now” or “I’d like to have oral sex or I’d like to have a DO date”.
Monika: What is a DO date?
Sheri: The DOing, a Deliberate Orgasm.
Monika: “Tuesday at 6 o’clock, I’m going to meet you. We’re going to have some tea afterwards uh, but at least 15 minutes of DOing, DO”.
Sheri: Lots of DOing.
Monika: Yes, I love that idea. Just like a little bit of pleasure and just meet for a little DO and a cup of tea. And do you have multiple friends that you practice with or just one person?
Sheri: I have one.
Monika: Is there a normal, a set way that the Welcomed Consensus usually teaches people to do it or is it however people want to do it?
Sheri: However people want to do it.
Monika: However people want to manage their relationships.
Sheri: Because it’s a friendly thing to do. It’s a very friendly thing to do. And so often within our community, people, you don’t have to have a “relationship” with the other person. You don’t have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend or have these big commitments with each other. But have a DO date. It’s a friendly thing to do to put your attention on your friend’s body and stroke the most sensitive part of it for pleasurable sensation.
Monika: Yes, I really loved, I don’t remember his name, but he said that it is a wonderful way for there to be a really giving friendship between men and women. I mean talk about ending the battle of the sexes.
Sheri: Yes, right.
Monika: There’s not a lot of pressure. There’s not a lot of expectation. And then you are just focusing on pleasure.
Sheri: Right, and then you get to really experience. I’m glad you said that about the battle of the sexes because through DOing and all of the winning and succeeding that happens you get to really feel the beauty of the man woman dynamic and how fun estrogen and testosterone are when they hook up.
Monika: Yes, well when women get little surges of testosterone they get hornier. Our bodies are amazing!
Monika: So you also do like couple and communication classes? What sort of things do you teach there?
Sheri: Well communication really is the foundation of everything. I mean to have a good relationship, a good friendship, you must have good communication skills. In order to have a good sex life, you have to have good communication skills.
Monika: And so many people don’t talk about sex at all.
Sheri: And it’s so fun. Once you start talking about it, it is really fun. I remember having a conversation with my partner when we first started researching this and I felt like I had had sex.
Monika: Yes, I know, that’s why I do this show.
Sheri: That’s a conversation!
Sheri: People, they’re missing out on it, that it’s all there and available.
Monika: It’s so fun.
Monika: I mean discourse and intercourse, hello, they’re connected root words.
Monika: Let’s talk about the stuff that gets in the way of an orgasmic experience and orgasm because I think that there’s a lot of stuff in our minds, in our sex negative culture, that we pick up and that prevents us from experiencing pleasure.
Monika: So what are the blocks that some people experience to sensation?
Sheri: Gosh, there are many. The first thing I think of though when you ask me that is that if they are willing to communicate they can unblock anything. Really whatever anyone is jammed up about, if they could get to place where they are willing to talk to someone, talk to their partner, tell them how they feel, that starts releasing that energy and then they can go and create the next thing. So it really is about communicating.
Monika: Right. I imagine there is also some getting out of your thinking and just focusing on the sensations, “what do I feel? Like, what am I really feeling?” And what I love about that is that especially in a stroking practice, it gets so much more rewarding as soon as you tap into that, “Oh, I’m really feeling that” and then you’re like “Whoa! I’m really feeling it!”, you know what I mean?
Sheri: That’s right.
Monika: Because it builds and builds and builds exponentially.
Sheri: Right, because in our training , in the courses that we teach, when we get into the intensive training that’s what we do. We teach women how to hook up their brains to their pussies.
Monika: Right, because you can actually rewire your nervous system using intention and experiencing sensation.
Sheri: Right, because it’s all there. It’s just that women get into their head too much.
Monika: And we’re really not trained to experience pleasure.
Sheri: We’re not.
Monika: In fact in some cases in my adolescence it was dangerous for me to get too turned-on when I was with a guy.
Monika: So I had to turn myself off and kind of button myself up.
Sheri: And shut it down.
Monika: And it’s interesting because now I’m an adult, and I’m more empowered, I can take care of myself but I also want to tap into that 16 year old self that was just aflame with one touch on my arm hair while we were watching Star Trek on the sofa. Do you know what I mean? And I think that all of that is still there.
Sheri: That’s true.
Monika: That we’re still these wildly sexual beings that can get turned-on with just a breath or just a tiny touch.
Monika: So you guys focus all of this energy on one part. Is there a particular part of the clitoris that you focus on?
Sheri: Well, the upper left-hand quadrant is the most sensitive part of the woman’s clitoris.
Monika: And how did you learn that? Through experience or…?
Sheri: Through experience.
Monika: You tried all of the other quadrants? Go around in a circle?
Sheri: As my partner has described, a woman’s clitoris can be like a soccer ball. You know all the patches on a soccer ball.
Monika: Yeah, well there are lots of different parts of it. There’s the hood and there’s the glans, there’s the shaft. In fact, I have even heard that the clitoris goes all the way back. I mean the clitoris has legs around your vulva and then goes all the way back to the spinal cord. So there’s actually a lot of clitoris inside of us. Kind of impressive.
Sheri: It is. It is quite impressive.
Monika: And did you know that women have more erectile tissue than men? So there men… that’s right! We can get more stiffy than you. Only we have it all internally. It’s basically so we don’t have massive internal problems as we are getting poked.
Sheri: Right. And with DOing, with a woman having her clitoris stimulated, that’s how you get all the blood to engorge that tissue. So, therefore, then when you do have intercourse, it’s a lot more fun.
Monika: Right, because you are fully aroused and fully lubricated and fully engorged.
Sheri: You know, a woman having sexual intercourse without being fully engorged is like a guy fucking with his cock being soft.
Monika: Right, which is fun too because you can feel it getting hard, sometimes that’s fun, but it’s also…
Sheri: The engorgement is important for the woman.
Monika: It’s important, it’s nice.
Sheri: And people don’t really realize that. They don’t consider that.
Monika: And lubrication.
Sheri: Right which comes when you are getting Done. You get lubricated. All of the juices are flowing and you’re fully engorged and your whole vagina is swollen. That’s the time to have insertion.
Monika: So let’s talk about the experience of the DOer. So just imagine that he’s a man, it could be a woman, but he is stroking the upper left-hand quadrant of the clitoris. My friend, who was a stroker, he talked about like having this massive finger boner. Like all of this energy going through his finger and feeling all of this pleasure through his finger like it was like this amazing experience for him.
Sheri: It’s like that, because the DOer has his full attention on her body. And so he can feel what she’s feeling because he has his total attention on her. It’s true and it’s hard for people to get their minds around that, what one person can feel, another person can feel.
Monika: But we have mirror neurons in our minds. Like we’re set up biologically to feel what the other person is feeling. That’s why advertising is so effective. We see a pretty girl smoking a cigarette and the dopamine that that person is feeling actually happens in our brain. We think, “Oh, it would be great to have a cigarette”. But in a sexual setting, not just creepy, gross advertising hooks, but in a sexual setting, we actually do start to really get into the same mind space as the other person. So I can imagine that as a DOer, you’d really start to be feeling all this sexual energy rolling through your body, coming out your finger.
Monika: Have a little finger gasm. Has that been reported…has anybody had a finger gasm?
Monika: Just checking. I know Courtney Trouble had a hand gasm once. This was at “Cum and Glitter”. She talks about it on another show, but anyway, you can have orgasms in all parts of your body. It’s amazing.
Sheri: That’s why we teach the Observation of Intense Coming Course. We show a one hour orgasm, a demonstration of a woman in orgasm for an hour. It’s a course that we teach. So people can come, there’s a lecture beforehand.
Monika: People can CUM?
Sheri: [Laughter]Yes, and they witness a woman in orgasm for an hour. They will experience her orgasm in their body.
Monika: Right, because they are experiencing it too because they are watching.
Monika: That’s very clever.
Sheri: And then it opens their mind to the potential of what they can go home and then experience, because it expands their mind to what orgasm is and can be.
Monika: Well, there’s so much about our sexual potential that we really didn’t experience or discover and not talking about sex has really made all of these things that we can still discover as adults. It’s interesting. That exact thing happened to me when I watched Tallulah Sulis’ Diving Nectar which is about female ejaculation. I’d never seen that before. I didn’t know it was possible. Then to see it over and over and over, it finally really unlocked something for me. Then I could do it. It’s really amazing what seeing something and experiencing something will bring. I think it’s about those mirror neurons. It really opens…
Sheri: You get the reality about it.
Sheri: I mean where do we get our information about sex? It’s so limited. And if you want to see people having sex, what are your choices? You have porn and that’s a false reality.
Monika: It’s plastic.
Sheri: It’s not real.
Monika: And then of course they’re trying to play to our false expectations of what they think we like. Which you know, most people don’t even know what they really like. Do they really like big boobs, blonde hair and whatever, long fingernails? I don’t know if I would like the long fingernails.
Monika: Let’s talk about the Sensuality Course, because that’s one of the beginner’s kind of courses that you teach.
Sheri: Right, because as you were asking the question earlier about unblocking and all the head stuff that we have…So in our Common Sensuality Course, we cover the base philosophy of all of our courses and we cover the viewpoints that people come across that jam them up. We talk about the social conditioning. Then we give them winning viewpoints that they can take home and then apply to their lives to create winning relationships and gratifying sex lives.
Monika: Well, there is a lot of conditioning I think that we receive about sexuality. Especially, that men always have to be aggressive that they always have to “get it in”. And that women are always supposed to be the “gatekeepers” and not really supposed to enjoy it. Now there’s a lot of really negative stuff that we learn. How do you unlearn that?
Sheri: You just make a choice to decide that you’re going to take on some new viewpoints. And you can easily, by going towards that and getting the right information. That’s what we do. We want to educate people and clarify a lot of the myths that go on out there, a lot of the false information. And just give people information on how they can do it. How they can succeed and have fun in their relationships whether it’s with their partner or their parents or their kid. And to create gratifying, gratifying relationships and sex lives.
Monika: Because DOing isn’t just about sex and communication isn’t just about sex. I mean because really there’s this underlying component of consciousness and being connected and being one. How does it affect the rest of your life? I’m using finger quotes.
Sheri: That’s right. And Deliberate Orgasm is more than just a technique. It is a body of information on how to have all of these.
Monika: Experiences and open conversations.
Sheri: Gratifying relationships, gratifying sex lives. I mean most people are going toward being satisfied; what if you could have gratification, you could just have it.
Monika: What’s the difference between satisfied and gratified?
Sheri: Well, satisfied is more of like a temporary thing.
Monika: Like, “That’s okay, that’s satisfactory”. You’re not really grateful.
Sheri: Gratification is complete. It’s a complete feeling of having and getting what you want and being gratified by your life and enjoying it and acknowledging it and feeling fulfilled.
Monika: So how has this changed your relationship with your body? And I also want to know how it’s changed your relationship with your partner, but your body, it should come first. Let’s talk about that. How has it changed your relationship to your pleasure?
Sheri: Deliberate Orgasm?
Sheri: It’s changed it in many ways. I thoroughly enjoy being a woman. I like the way that my body feels. I feel that through getting done and having my body taken care of, this gratification that I’m talking about, I am smarter, I have clarity, I’m generous, approval, it’s so easy to approve of people and put my attention on them and I like who I am. I love being alive and celebrating life and having my attention on the good. I so enjoy being a teacher with The Welcomed Consensus and educating people that they can have the lives that they want to. They can slow down and have fun!
Monika: And have more pleasure.
Sheri: Have more pleasure in every aspect whether you’re talking to your kid or you’re preparing a meal or you’re taking a walk. Enjoying your life.
Monika: Anything you can really tune into it. Be more present.
Monika: So how has this changed your relationship with your partner or partners?
Sheri: Well, through Deliberate Orgasm I’ve learned about friendship and what it means to be a friend to a man.
Monika: You guys seem to have a different meaning to that word. Like there are a lot of connotations of like companionship and more connection than I think. It’s not just the kind of friend that you would say have a beer with, not that there’s anything wrong with beer.
Sheri: Right. Well, we believe that friendship is the highest form of relationship that people can have. And friendship, the main foundation what we’re talking about when we say friendship, is being willing to tell each other the truth. That’s being willing to tell each other the truth and then going from there. So whatever it is, I mean sometimes it’s difficult and sometimes it’s really easy, but I wanted to. Through Deliberate Orgasm the communication that had to happen in order for us to have that kind of attention on each other, my partner got to know me. I mean really know me and the layers came off, the armor came off. When I started feeling that I could feel that he was knowing me…Wow, I thought now I am alive. Now I am living. Then I got to know him, how he feels and the things that he thinks about. There’s just issues and stuff that people don’t want to talk about. For one, they’re so busy moving through life, they don’t make the time to talk about it. But once we started having those kinds of conversations and I got to be known and have that kind of attention and approval I thought, this is the way to live, this is what human beings want. They want this kind of connection. They want to be known.
Monika: And really see for who they are.
Sheri: Yes, it feels so good.
Monika: Right. Especially if you are really sharing deep pleasure. So let’s talk a little bit more about DOing a man. I am wondering because in DOing a woman, you stroke just the upper left-hand quadrant of the clitoris. Do you focus the same sort of attention when you are stroking cock or do you stroke the whole thing or do you stroke just their frenulum? What’s going on there? Just the corona?
Monika: All of it.
Sheri: And actually, men have a lot of cock that goes into their body, which you can call the hidden cock. That was a fun discovery.
Monika: Yes, you can kind of stroke it when you stroke the taint, underneath the balls, right?
Monika: So it’s kind of like a shaft that goes all the way down.
Sheri: Into his body.
Monika: In fact, the clitoris is fetally analogous to the penis, so we have this tiny little penis. It gets hard and everything.
Sheri: All fetuses start out female.
Monika: Yes, and then it is the hormones that turn us into men and women. Let’s talk about some of the different classes. I Imagine that the intensive, is that the name of it?…
Sheri: The 3 Day Sensuality Retreat?
Monika: Yes, tell me more about that.
Sheri: Well, that’s at our ranch in Northern California. It has the Common Sensuality Course. It’s a 2 day lecture discussion course. It covers our base philosophy, it covers DOing a woman DOing a man, resistance, seduction.
Monika: It’s a couples thing or just one person?
Sheri: It can be for couples thing or singles.
Monika: Either, okay. Do you try to have a balance of genders or does it not matter?
Sheri: It doesn’t matter.
Monika: And so if you come there by yourself are you matched up with someone or what? How does that work out.
Sheri: No, not in the beginning.
Monika: Not in the beginning, that’s “if you really feel like it”
Sheri: That’s in the upper level courses
Monika: You want to make sure everyone’s really comfortable. Cause not everyone is comfortable with just everyone touching their clitoris; which is totally okay.
Sheri: Those are the intensive, upper level, upper level courses.
Monika: So even more intense than the intensives, what are those called? Extra intensives?
Sheri: We teach a Confirmation Course, which you had mentioned about OneTaste, Nicole Daedone and Robert Kandell, the founders of OneTaste took our upper level intensive course and got their training in orgasm and then went on to open OneTaste, there are high level courses.
Monika: Kind of the weekend where you get certified in learning how to DO, because I know there’s another course that does something like that at Harbin?
Sheri: Like that but it’s a 2 week Intensive.
Monika: It’s 2 weeks, so you’re 2 weeks at the ranch?
Sheri: Yes, it’s two weeks.
Monika: Oh Interesting! I imagine that it kind of takes a long time, because I did the Vipassana just the meditation, like just with your brain meditating and that’s hard, right, it’s really hard and it’s not as rewarding as stroking, I’ll say that but it’s over 10 days, and finally at the very end you actually feel those subtle sensations and so I imagine with a practice like stroking, like DOing it would take a while to let everything settle in.
Sheri: Yes, it’s more than just the technique, we teach the technique of DOing and then it’s all the head stuff that comes with it of things that you get confronted by.
Monika: Can you say more about women’s resistance.
Sheri: Well as you described earlier about all the conditioning that females get.
Monika: Right like if you’re too sexually open someone will think you’re a slut.
Sheri: Right, it happens as soon as puberty kicks in.
Monika: Maybe before that, yes.
Sheri: So we get all that social conditioning, so women do resist pleasure.
Sheri: But men, they can sharpen their seduction skills and seduce women. Which we teach men how to seduce women and once you start getting DOne and you experience that sort of orgasm then resistance kind of takes on a different shape too because you want to have those feelings in your body and the man can produce that kind of orgasm.
Monika: Right, so something that I was thinking about, if a man is really giving you his full attention, or a DOer, whatever the gender of the DOer, if that person is really being focused on you and not trying to change you or make you into something different, I imagine that also spills over into the relationship as well, like when you’re really listening to someone, you’re not trying to change them or fix them.
Sheri: That’s right. That is absolutely right.
Monika: So is that something that you overtly teach, or is that just something that people pick up as a result?
Sheri: We overtly teach that. Because what women want is they want their bodies taken care of and they want attention, they want non-judgmental attention.
Monika: Not always trying to fix it.
Sheri: That’s right.
Monika: Even though you’re such a good fixer baby!
Sheri: Right, so that’s some of the head stuff that I’m talking about, because for guys to get that, I mean they have good intentions, they want to please their women, they want to make her happy and so they do come from that fix-it, but yes, women don’t need any fixing.
Monika: Well you can’t really fix someone, unless they want to fix themselves or..
Sheri: But women don’t need fixing. But all women do want to have more orgasm.
Monika: Most of them..
Sheri: All women want to have more orgasm.
Monika: There are a-sexuals out there.
Sheri: They would lie about it.
Monika: Well, I don’t want to judge anyone, if they say they are asexual, I’m going to really believe them but I personally think that..
Sheri: If they were in the right circumstances with the right person.
Monika: I don’t know, they say asexual, nonsexual, like I don’t even masturbate kind of asexual and I’m kind of like, really? Well ok, if that works for you, then super! But in my opinion, if you want more pleasure, I want people to find that, you know what I mean?
Monika: And I think that most of the time what we do in our culture is just kind of give up on sexual pleasure at all, you known we get into these pair bonded domestic partnerships and we don’t even think about sex anymore, and we just kind of like throw it into the laundry bin.
Monika: I’m tired, I’m not feeling sexual, I’m not feeling sexy, I don’t feel good in my body, whatever it is I’m busy, I’m tired, you know, I’d rather get more sleep than have more sex and then we don’t even connect anymore.
Sheri: Right. Exactly. And if people would be willing to give it a chance, Deliberate Orgasm.
Monika: It feels really good.
Sheri: You know, 3 minutes, and then what you will experience through having that kind of attention on your body is rejuvenation and feeling good in your body and then you will have the energy to do all of things that you want to do and you can really build from there though, by having that 3 minutes orgasm, without any pressure to do anything just to have your bodies feel good, and then have that next date and then just build from there. And before you know it, you find that you’re having more sex than you thought that you wanted to have and you’re looking forward to the next sex act.
Monika: Right, and you’re looking forward to connecting and being touched and touching.
Sheri: Having that kind of attention.
Monika: and I think there’s something about building the sensation and there’s a biofeedback loop like so the smell of your partner and the touch of your partner all become really connected in your mind to pleasure so rather than connected to, “oh, I’m so irritated with you for the last blah blah lala thing and I had an expectation, lalala” Whatever it is, the couple dynamic that we oftentimes build with our partners, Instead of building on the couple toxicity thing we can build on pleasure and we could be like “wow and yeah, ooh the touch is inflaming” I think it’s really important to keep the juice in the relationship, keep the pleasure in the relationship, I love the idea of the pair-bonded domestic partnership, I mean the idea of raising a family together and having a home, but oftentimes when you get caught up in all of the things that you have to do, you forget about being Done.
Sheri: Right, it gets put way, way down at the bottom of the list.
Monika: At the bottom of the list, right, because you’re tired.
Sheri: Right and if it was at the top of the priority list and women were having that kind of attention, just as you described so beautifully, than they would feel so much different, everything would feel different.
Monika: So, you have a daughter, did you stay with the DOing throughout the pregnancy and early childhood and all that stuff? Did that change your experience of being a mother? Or maybe you don’t know because you don’t have two kids and you didn’t have to raise one without the DOing? Sorry, but most women feel…
Sheri: I did get DOne while I was pregnant, because there was a period of time that I didn’t want to have intercourse anymore and but still, I got DOne every day, a couple of times a day and so I got to have all of that orgasm in my body and it was wonderful, I had a pleasurable childbirth.
Monika: Oh you did?
Sheri: I did.
Monika: Tell me more about that. Did you do the orgasmic birth thing, by the way? www.orgasmicbirth.com, watch that video! How was your birth process more pleasurable? Because most people are like, “It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever done.”
Sheri: Because that’s the conditioning that we get, that’s what we’re told.
Monika: We’re taught to expect pain.
Sheri: That’s right, and so that’s what we’re told and that’s what people expect, but it’s pressure, those contractions, it’s pressure, so if you interpret it as, ok, I’m not going to interpret this as pain, I’m going to interpret this as a pressure and then go on the ride of it, it is an orgasm, I mean you’re having these intense contractions in your body that build and release, and they build and they release and it was intense, my childbirth, it was intense, but whenever I was doing the pushing out, it felt like an orgasm.
Monika: Oh, really?
Sheri: Yes. It did. But different than what, people are like, “oh yeah, sure right”!
Monika: Yeah sure you had an orgasm while you had a big baby coming out of your hooha, sure.
Sheri: But it was like I’m saying with Deliberate Orgasm it gets redefined what orgasm is.
Monika: Yes, well I’ve heard that during childbirth you’re getting all of the same hormones that we do get during sex, you get a lot of oxytocin and you know the chemical that they use to induce labor, Pitocin is a synthetic version of oxytocin.
Sheri: Yeah, mother nature, she did it.
Monika: You think?
Sheri: Yes, she set us up well.
Monika: And did you have a regular childbirth in the hospital?
Monika: And then after you brought the baby home and you were still getting DOne, that didn’t change for you during the early childhood years?
Sheri: No, that didn’t change, I was still getting DOne.
Monika: That must have made it more fun.
Sheri: I’ve been getting Done for 25 years.
Monika: Almost every day or every day?
Monika: Several times a day?
Sheri: Yes, sometimes yes.
Monika: That sounds fun, I’m not going to lie. 25 years of getting DOne every day, she has a very relaxed demeanor, that’s true. Relaxed, open and friendly, never a shortage of smiles. Sheri, it’s been such a pleasure talking to you, I want to make sure that people get to your website, it’s welcomed.com www.welcomed.com
What are some of the last things that you want to tell our listeners? There are people listening all over the world, and they’re not necessarily in the same sex-positive culture that we’re in here in the Bay Area, but they can find videos and you have a bunch of little clips that people can watch on your website, ways that they can learn more about pleasure.
Sheri: Well we have 13 different DVD’s. A series on Deliberate Orgasm, it takes different components of it and then we have a series of female masturbation DVD’s too. And the female masturbation DVD’s they were made for men also, men can watch them and see how women like to stroke their clitorises and then they can go home and do that to their partner.
Monika: Right, because women do it in different ways, every women has a different way and it changes from day to day.
Sheri: And for women, to see another women DOing herself, or getting Done and to have that kind of sexual freedom and emancipation and the rightness of it and the validity that it’s all good.
Monika: Right and that it’s not shameful.
Sheri: And this is how you do it, it’s just a matter of education for women to be educated and men to be educated on how to pleasure each other.
Monika: Right, yes, I think there’s this legacy that masturbation has in particular because the definition, the root words of masturbation is to disturb with the hand, to disturb the genitals because they oftentimes thought that too much sexual energy made you crazy or all sort of hair palms, whatever. There’s a lot of pathology attached to it and I think that now we still kind of have this, “oh, it’s something done secretly, silently”, it’s such a personal experience for people because they are a little bit ashamed.
Sheri: And how crazy is that? I mean we have these bodies and we have this energy in there and women have a clitoris, its’ only function is for pleasure.
Monika: Right, and when we are pleasured, we feel good and we’re happy and then we can put our attention on our husband, we can put our attention on our kids we could do our work better we can enjoy our lives and do everything from that place of gratification and it’s really possible and doable for everyone and it is simple and it’s just the social conditioning that makes it seem like it’s so complex that people will have to go through therapy and get fixed and confront this and that and people could just say, I’m going to drop the bullshit and…
Monika: Skip that part, just be in the moment.
Sheri: And I’m going to go towards getting some winning viewpoints and go towards fun.
Monika: Because that’s the joy of being present in the moment and the joy of being present with the sensations, is that they’re not about any of your past experiences or conditioning of hang ups, whatever it is, it’ just about this moment and what do you feel right now and how can you tap into that more deeply.
Sheri: and the more that you have your attention there, the more that you’re going to find that that past stuff
Monika: Melts away.
Sheri: Exactly and now you’re living.
Monika: And it’s interesting, there are people who do somatic healing Tallulah Sulis being one of them, that she actually like massages different parts of the interior of the vagina and you can store experiences and trauma in your vagina, in the muscles as in any part of your body and they actually can become released with sensation and stimulation and positive experiences in addition to building your neurology and feeling more and becoming more aware and feeling more that way. You can really change your body and your experience of the world by experiencing more pleasure.
Sheri: That’s right.
Monika: Sounds good.
Sheri: I love your enthusiasm Monika.
Sheri: Well it’s not hard to be enthusiastic about all of the things that I get to talk about and it’s been such a pleasure learning more about Welcomed Consensus.
Sheri: Thank you so much.
Monika: Your sensuality classes, you also have some teleclasses?
Sheri: we do.
Monika: And you can find everything at welcomed.com. Is there anything else you want to share with us, how to get to the 3 hour orgasm, how long did it take you before you had a 3 hour orgasm or could take that amount of pleasure, I mean it seems intense. It’d be like, “Ok, I think I’m done.”
Sheri: Well I did have to stretch my legs a couple of times.
Monika: Yeah, I bet. Like “oh, hang on..Ok, now I’m ready”. Well Sheri, Thank you so much, welcomed.com. This has been a conversation about The Welcomed Consensus, thank you so much.
Sheri: Thank you.